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My wife and I had a fight last week. It was a doozy!

The other man—he was in the fight too.

So why am I telling you about it?

You see, we fight together. The other man—I should say Man, He’s on our side too.

But we do have an enemy. That old liar, the devil, would love to see our marriage destroyed, so we have decided to be on the same side. My wife is my partner in this battle and we, together, follow our supreme Commander—the Captain of the Lord’s army, Jesus.

At the wedding of some close friends, the preacher said something very different.

When you show up at a wedding they ask you which side you want to sit on, bride or groom. When the marriage hits a rough spot, what happens? The bride goes back to her mom, her dad, her side and seeks allies. She goes looking for someone to take her side against that beast she married.

That’s the worlds plan—satan’s plan.

This preacher said to the brides side, “When this marriage gets rough, whose side will you take?” Then he asked the grooms side the same thing. “Whose side are you on when strife arises?” His or hers, hers or his?

Then he called us to promise to be on the side of the union, the side of the new creation, the “one flesh” that is this couple.

Men, when your buddy comes knocking on your door looking for a place to stay, and someone to complain to—pray with him and send him home.

Ladies, don’t give your BFF safe haven away from her hubby. (Please understand, I’m not talking about abuse here—we must be a safe haven in that situation—I’m talking about the growing pains that come with becoming one new creation) Pray with her—pray for him—and take her back home.

You see the biggest threat to satan’s schemes is a united couple with the Lord Jesus Christ at the head of the home in the center of this new creation.

The day I stopped seeing my wife as the enemy when we ran into each other, was the day I finally started winning.

Feel like screaming at her/him. Take a big deep breath and realize whose lies have you so aggravated. Remember, satan (he does not get the respect of a capital letter) is known as the accuser of the brethren. He spreads discord like I spread peanut butter.

So next time you have a fight with your spouse—remember—you’re on the same side!

BenHeadshotThanks for stopping by.

See you again soon.



Marriage is broken!


Who broke marriage?

Did the Supreme Court break it?

Did the LGBT community break it?


Did no fault divorce break it?

Did free love break it?

Who broke marriage?

I have a thought.

Fifty years of caring less about fidelity, about loyalty, about commitment may have cracked the shell.

Forty-two and a half years of children as a choice rather than a gift from the hand of God may account for some of these fragments.

Decades of absentee dads—some were in prison—others were at work—may have chiseled away an edge.

Year upon year of prayerless couples might have caused some havoc.

Scores of stupid TV dads might be culpable a bit.

Drunken rage replacing disciple and understanding—yep that had a hand in this mess.

A dearth of good examples to follow might own a share or two.

Those girls who preceded you down the aisle when you promised “for better or for worse” bad mouthing your man at every turn—perhaps we should send them the bill.

The men who toasted your wedding who drag you away every weekend—could we ask them to bear some blame.

Who broke marriage?

Yeah, let’s blame the Supreme Court—That’s easy.

benheadshot1Thanks for coming by.

See you again soon.



My Wonderful Bride and I
My Wonderful Bride and I

We have lost a word, marriage.

Let’s use a different word.

We have not lost the holy union of a man and a woman in the sight of God and man.

We have not lost the bonds of love that stand strong together against the onslaught of the world, the flesh and the devil.

We have not lost the superior supernatural strength of a three stranded cord, Christ, wife and husband, bound together by commitment and devotion.

We have lost a word.

So let’s get a new word.

We don’t have to tell anyone else about it, but we’ll know.

benheadshot1Thanks for coming by,

See ya’


That is honestly what I thought when I got to this part of Matthew 5. I am trying to work my way through the sermon on the mount, and teach it from my heart. And now this!

And it was said, ‘WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE’, but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matt 5:31-32 NASB)

I know from George Barna’s article New Marriage and Divorce Statistics Released 30% of American Adults who have been married, one third have been divorced at least once.

I know from this same study that fully 26% of Evangelical Christians have been divorced at least once.

I know the Church has done more harm that good for decades, in the lives of those who have been impacted by divorce.

I also know that I am unwilling to mitigate the words of Jesus just because they are uncomfortable.

So I have been agonizing over this post for over a week, asking the Lord for light that would be true to the word, and edifying to the body of Christ.

OK- here goes:

The phrase that really strikes me here (at least today) is “everyone who divorces his wife,  makes her commit adultery.” How can an action take by a man (ejecting his wife) put guilt on her?

He is speaking into a society that is very male centric, and in fact demeans women at every turn. A woman as I understand it, would not work outside the home. She would be a daughter until she became a wife. This may be an oversimplification, but in essence once married, she would carry out the household duties prescribed to her.

The only legit grounds for divorce that made sense here would be unchastity – so if a man were to divorce his wife, it is like sewing that big read “A” right on her blouse, even if it was not true. The chatter would be, “What did she do to deserve this? She must be…”

So my thinking here is that what she receives is SHAME without GUILT. The two may feel the same, and often go hand in hand. But in this case – the guilt is not her's but his, and the shame is undeserved, but as real as if she was the one Jesus rescued from the center of the square in John 8. [Tweet This]

Now – speaking of John 8, just for the record, Jesus makes it clear that this is not the unforgivable sin.

So here is the deal. If you (man or woman) act in any relationship in such a way as to imply shame upon others, STOP IT NOW! (really – I mean it!)

If you (woman or man) are carrying shame because of something someone else did, take a deep breath and hear the words of Jesus. “Where are your accusers? Go and sin no more."

Let me just say a couple more things here about divorce. May I? (if you answered no here – you should stop reading and just go to the bottom and click “like” – otherwise read on)

First – hear this – divorce is not the unforgivable sin. (Yes - it bears repeating) If you have been through a divorce, don’t let that become your identity. Repent if necessary, reconcile to whatever level it is possible, and be free of that stigma. God forgives us for our sins when we confess and forsake them. And the Word tells us that he cleanses us from all unrighteousness. That means it is as though you never sinned.

Next - If you are in a marriage, and it is rough, I would say to you, God has the power to heal all those wounds. The ones you have inflicted, and the ones you have borne. Fast and pray and seek the face of God. There is nothing more beneficial to a relationship with another human, than a relationship with God. Work at your marriage. Talk to your spouse. Be honest. Get a good Christian counselor involved.

Finally - Remember this about marriage. God loved us, and reconciled himself to us in that He did not hold our trespasses against us. If we can step into giving that same kind of love to our spouses, we can make this work. The only love that works is agape love, and agape love is always a choice, not a feeling. We must choose to love our mates.

Thanks for reading today. I really appreciate that you take the time.


Ring photo credit: ZeRo`SKiLL via photopin cc

I just read a good article on the topic of preserving marriage. Check it out!

Marriage is a Mess and Homosexuals Didn't Do It.

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